So I’m working on writing some articles for some paid content sites, just to get something out there and make you know, like $5 that I can use to pay down debt because that’s what Dave Ramsey says to do.  I’m literally expecting to make $5 from this whole deal, but hey, it’s something, right?

Anyway, here’s a list of the articles I’ve published so far (some from last year, too):

• What to pack for a long road trip with children
• Review: Chicco Cortina Travel System
• Diaper Review: Pampers Swaddlers Sensitive
• Review: Ideazon Zboard Gaming Keyboard
• Review: Solid Shampoo by Lush Cosmetics
• Review: Retread Conditioner by Lush Cosmetics
• Books that Would Make Great Movies
• Memories of Fall – a Poem

I have more in queue, I may add them here when they are published.  And that ends my self promotion. Thanks!

Blue has never been bluer
True has never been truer
Honey never tasted so sweet
There’s a song in the breeze
A million voices in praise
A rose has never smelled redder
The sun has never been brighter
If I could find the right words to say
If you could look at my face
If you could just see this place
You wouldn’t cry for me today

~ You Wouldn’t Cry, Mandisa

Actually, I don’t. But I have a theory. But first, general, non-depressing mostly drama free news (yay!):

Benjamin turned a year old, and we celebrated with mini-cupcakes (on his birthday) and a party (on Saturday).  Everyone survived both, thought Benjamin was soooo wound up after his party (there were like, 6 kids for him to chaser around, all pretty much Brianna’s age) that he wouldn’t nap and then crashed at 6:30pm, and slept 12 hours only getting up at take a bottle twice and going right back to sleep (this is unheard of). He loved it. And his new toys. And Brianna loves his new toys, which she thinks are, of course, her new toys. But in short, a good time was had by all, adults and kids, and nobody ate too much cake and threw up and no one was seriously hurt and everyone left happy for the most part.

Sarah came, without Dave as he was called to work or something, but it turns out she got a job in NC where they are moving (yay!) but it starts like the day after tomorrow so that was the last time she could visit (boo!) and she is having to go out there before Dave while he packs up the house here and they are still trying to buy a house out there and change and difficult and uncertainty… and we will miss them

But yes. back to what’s wrong with me. or not. See, I’ve been having these headaches. Like, a constant one? since… um… a couple months after Benjamin was born? Totally convinced that it’s my birth control now. Would also explain the mood swings and other general weirdness. So now, at least, I’m pretty sure I know why.  Probably goign to have to find a new solution, that doesn’t involve headaches. Wish me luck!

You’re a whole year old today – and I have no idea where the time went.  You are growing up so fast, and you seem to want to do everything all at one – and throw fits when you aren’t big enough or strong enough to do what you want.  Your favorite word right now is “Go!” and that is your general philosophy in life right now – you are always moving, climbing, chasing your sister.

The smile on your face when you see your sister is priceless.  And even though you annoy her sometimes, and she’s mean to you sometimes, you two are really best friends and that makes me so happy. You invent silly games to play together, and she can make you laugh more than anyone else. I love watching the two of you interact, and I hope you stay as close as you grow up.

You are so smart, and so funny – you’ve already learned to sign “more” to get more food or treats, and you know how to walk but you choose not to.  You love playing Rock Band with Daddy after Brianna has gone to bed, and dancing with the guitar until you fall asleep…

Your dimples and sweet smile have charmed us all, and we can’t remember a time without you.  Every day it seems you are a little less a baby and a little more a boy – and I look forward to seeing you grow more this year, even as I miss the tiny tiny baby I held a year ago.

Happy birthday, my sweet, sweet boy.

Love,

Mommy

Y’all, I’m really struggling today. I don’t know if my hormones are out of whack or what, but I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. And sleep. And eat waffles. And cry and sleep some more.

Mom commented on my facebook status yesterday.  First time she”s tried to contact me since the dozen or so text messages she sent almost month ago telling me what a bad daughter I was. She wants to know how I am, and said she loves me.

I really can’t believe she chose this particular medium to try and communicate.  Like everything is just supposed to be ok, now, like I’d forget what she said and the fact that she doesn’t seem to be able to take care of herself, her finances, or her house.  And she’s put me between a rock and a hard place, because anything I respond with either makes me look like the bad daughter who’s mean to old ladies, or like everything is ok (which it’s not).  So am not responding, at least for now.

But that doesn’t mean that potential responses aren’t swirling around my head every other minute. Things like: “For someone who wants everything in her life kept secret, you sure ask loaded questions on Facebook” or “I’m pretending I’m fine, isn’t that what we’re good at?” or “First you use text messages to tell me how awful I am, and now you’re telling me you love me on facebook? Really?” or “Doing fine. What’s your bra size, I hear the Huntsville Times is looking for an article.”

Mom, if you find this and are reading this, this is how I am: I’m still hurt, angry, and sad.  Mostly just sad. I’m sad that it came to this, and that you can’t see what the problem is. I’m sad that you’re pushing everyone away – and have always pushed people away when they tried to help. I’m not posting this on Facebook, because I think I deserve more from you than a comment on my status that blatantly assumes everything is alright.  And because, honestly, I don’t want to have to explain to everyone on facebook what’s going on. See you in October.

Not talking to my mother has it’s advantages – I’m not dealing with the drama on a daily or weekly basis, and I’m not dealing with the superficial “everything’s fine” phone calls once a week when I know everything is not fine. But I’m also having to tiptoes around things I say on social media, things I say to mutual friends.  I’m not keeping the hoarding secret anymore, but I don’t really want to shout it from the mountaintops, either. All the things I want to say – hurtful and otherwise – fill my brain and make my head want to explode.  Add this to my usual lack of sleep and the headache I’ve had for months… yeah.

I just feel like, maybe I’m asking God for the wrong things. But I don’t know what the right things are. I just want to not be stuck between enabling and avoiding anymore. I’d like to know I’m making the right decisions, because the ones I’m making are hard.

I’d like to blame this funk I’m in on my mom, and it’s probably related. But I was doing ok, just tired and headachy, until a couple of days ago  – and I’ve been slowly, steadily sliding downhill since then, so she can’t be totally to blame.

I got some St John’s Wort, maybe it will help. Maybe I’ll get some sleep this weekend. Maybe when I go to the doctor next week, they’ll trace down this headache and fix it. I just don’t know.

I love my phone. Love, love, love.  And in my quest to stay on top of everything in my life – it is one of my greatest tools. I use it for everything (except meal planning.  Tried that, but prefer the new post-it system).  Here are some of the apps I use to keep track of all the crazy.

Google Calendar (built into Android OS). I have it set to synch with my work calendar, and Chad’s work calendar.  Mine works really well – Chad’s schedule is a little too fluid to depend on being completely correct – but it gives me a rough idea of what’s going on.

Astrid Tasks (free).  I keep my to do list here – all of it, including recurring tasks that I’m trying to make habits (like the laundry, dishes, meal planning, etc).  You can enter tasks without a due date, schedule a due date (and time, if you want), and set up recurrence if you want.  It includes reminders, which drive Chad nuts because my phone is buzzing ALL THE TIME. But – I can tell at a glance what I need to do right now, and what I’m behind or ahead on.  There are a ton of features I don’t use, liek tagging tasks to put them in separate lists, etc.

My Pantry 2 ($0.99).  There is a free version of this app, but I bought the full version so I could use the cool UPC scanner functionality.  Basically, this app holds my pantry (and fridge, and freezer) inventory.  So when I’m at the store, and decide I need something that isn’t on my list – I can double check and see if we already have 4 of them sitting in the pantry.  UPC scanning makes it pretty quick to add things to the list, and I love knowing what I have – it makes meal planning easier as well, as I can plan around what we have and save some money at the store.It also has features to make a grocery list, but I don’t use it because I use…

Grocery IQ (free). You can add things to your list by scanning the UPC (I’m totally a sucker for scanning UPCs, y’all.  It makes me feel all techy and stuff).  You can set up multiple lists for multiple stores, and you can organize each list by how your store is laid out. You can also put in a price, so you can use the app as your price book for often purchased items. So many great features. As you check items off your list on the store, it hides them so you don’t have to hunt through all the checked off items and risk missing the one more thing you need (I do this all the time with paper lists).   Oh, and the best part? I can quickly email or text message a list to Chad, if he’s stopping on the way home from work.

So that’s a quick overview of some of the apps that work for me… For more Works for Me Wednesday tips, head over to We Are THAT Family.

Hey, heard you were up all night
Thinking about how your world ain’t right
And you wonder if things will ever get better
And you’re asking why is it always raining on you
When all you want is just a little good news
Instead of standing there stuck out in the weather

Oh, don’t hang your head
It’s gonna end
God’s right there
Even if it’s hard to see Him
I promise you that He still cares

When the waves are taking you under
Hold on just a little bit longer
He knows that this is gonna make you stronger, stronger
The pain ain’t gonna last forever
And things can only get better
Believe me
This is gonna make you stronger
Gonna make you stronger, stronger, stronger
Believe me, this is gonna make you …

Try and do the best you can
Hold on and let Him hold your hand
And go on and fall into the arms of Jesus
Oh, lift your head it’s gonna end
God’s right there
Even when you just can’t feel Him
I promise you that He still cares

‘Cause if He started this work in your life
He will be faithful to complete it
If only you believe it
He knows how much it hurts
And I’m sure that He’s gonna help you get through this

When the waves are taking you under
Hold on just a little bit longer
He knows that this is gonna make you stronger, stronger
The pain ain’t gonna last forever
In time it’s gonna get better
Believe me
This is gonna make you stronger

~”Stronger”, Mandisa

I might have mentioned, say, one or a hundred times to anyone who would listen in the last week, that I am caught-up on laundry.

Not only am I caught up – I have been for like, a week. It’s crazy. And awesome.

I have tried all kinds of methods to get caught up on the laundry (and stay ahead of it), but nothing has worked before.  But when we got back from our trip back home to the South, I decided that I needed to be on top of things around the house more.  And that if I could only manage two things it would be this: make dinner, and keep up with the laundry. So – I set up my handy dandy post-it note meal planning system (which I am still rocking, btw), and I started doing one load of clothes a day.

I know. I know. Simple. But the key for me is when I do it – I start a load as soon as I get home from work, and as soon as dinner is over (or when it’s done) I put it in the dryer.  If I try and start it in the morning, and finish it after work it gets forgotten and yucky.

The other part is that I have to fold it *every night*.  This is really a sticking point for me, as I came home from vacation to about 5 loads of clean, wrinkled, unfolded laundry.  So for a few days I was folding 2+ loads of laundry a night, but now that I’m caught up it’s just one.

And today? I don’t have any laundry to do. Also, I got rid of a ton of clothes, so hopefully I wont get so far behind again… sheesh.

A load of clothes a day. Washed, dried, folded and put up. Works for me.

For more Works for Me Wednesday posts, visit We Are THAT Family.

1. Catching up on the laundry created a problem. Not enough room in my dresser for my clothes.  So last night, while Chad and Brianna were busy in the music room, I took a brutal look at what was in (and on, and next to) my dresser, and got rid of a ton of clothes. Things that didn’t fit, or that I didn’t love – out. And now everything fits.  And the world seems a little more right. *sigh* And yes, I still have enough clothes – probably more than enough, somehow.  When I was a kid, I remember being amazed at the fact that my cousins had so few clothes – they did laundry every week, and all their clothes were either hung up, or put in a small plastic bin – and they all fit!  I aspire to be that zen someday. But I’m not there yet.  So for now, I’m happy that my clothes fit in the drawer. Also, I totally need this wall art for my laundry room:
   

   Source: quotethewalls.com via Dorinne on Pinterest

    

2. Now that’s she’s starting to bring more papers home from school, I want some of these for Brianna’s art work. I think they would be fabulous in the living room or dining room, and maybe Grandma needs some too.  I love the idea of framing things and showing her they are special – but without the obligation to keep them FOREVER.
   

   Source: unclutterer.com via Dorinne on Pinterest

    

3. So California passed a new law, and they want to make sure that LGBT contributions to history are not ignored in the public school education.  Everyone is coming down with an opinion on this one, so I thought I’d weigh in.  Honestly? It depends on how they do it – are they going to teach this in an age appropriate manner?.  Do I want my future 2nd grader learning about Alan Turing? Sure! Bring it on! Do I want them to be taught that he took his own life because he was gay and the British government at the time thought that was a Very Bad Thing? No. Is that ok information for my future high-schooler? Maybe – there are lessons on intolerance there to be learned as well, and by that point they should understand a little more about the world and the fact that some people don’t believe the same things we do and that’s ok.  So while I don’t think that contributions by anyone is history should be ignored – I don’t know if we need to wave a big flag over them and make a huge deal out of the face that yes, some of the people we learn about are gay, lesbian, bi, or transgendered. I don’t want to sweep it under the rug – but it should be presented when appropriate, not as a political move. Annnnd that all the politics you’ll see here today
4. Signs like these annoy me:
   
   I mean, don’t get me wrong, I feel like that sometimes – but I feel like if I had these things on magnets or signs or something, it would validate my bad habits. If I choose to put something up in my house, it should be because I love it an it encourages me – not to make excuses to the people who visit me about my housekeeping skills (which are less than par, but I’m workign to improve them). But maybe that’s just me – I can be weird about stuff like that sometimes.
5. Is there some magical way to add more time to my day? That does NOT include getting up earlier in the morning? Because I need to find some time to work out and shed my baby fat.  Seriously. And I just can’t seem to find any time that i don’t feel like I’m stealing from my kids or my husband.  Chad suggested I buy Zumba for the Kinect – and while that would be fun, it doesn’t actually create more time for me to use it. I’m at a loss, but totally open to ideas here. Although if zumba can get me the rockin’ hot body that they have pictured… it might be worth getting up earlier:
   
6. After this morning, I am totally ready to move Benjamin into his own room.  See, he’s been sharing with us – his crib is at the foot of our bed. And that was awesome, especially when I was nursing and it was just super easy to pull him up into the bed with me and nurse and then put him back in the crib (or not).  No stumbling down the hall, he was right there. And if Chad’s alarm woke him up at OMG-early on days he had an early sim? No problem. Nurse back to sleep in mama’s bed. Get up at normal times. Everyone wins. Except. Now we’re not nursing, even at night (for a week and a half! I’m so excited!).  Benjamin wakes up once – maybe twice – for a bottle, then (usually) back to sleep until morning. I keep a bottle of powder formula on the counter in my bathroom, just add water when he wakes up and presto! full bottle for the baby.  BUT. morning alarms are now a problem. Because Benjamin wakes up, grumpy and still tired, but does not want to go back to sleep. Typically, like this morning, he’ll fall asleep about the time I am supposed to be getting up. Which is very shortly before Brianna gets up. And thus none of us get sleep. And everyone is grumpy.  I’m thinking that putting him in his own room may solve at least part of this problem (the alarm part), and maybe we’ll both get more sleep. Which, you know, might inspire me to get up earlier, lol.
7. Potty training with Brianna is kind of stalled – she goes in the potty sometimes (mostly at school), but at home she doesn’t really care.  I’m debating whether we should just put her in underwear for the weekend, or if I really want to clean up that many messes. I know she’s ready, it’s just the willingness that’s the problem – and I don’t want my laziness to keep her in diapers/pull-ups.  When they put her in the older class at school, she does great, so part of me is wanting to wait until August when she’s there permanently… on the other hand, I just want to get it over.  One of those crazy mom-quandries.

For more quick takes, go to Conversion Diary.

If you want to connect with me on Pinterest, here’s my link:

And also my favorite pin so far – and what I feel like after finally – finally – FINALLY – wait for it…. catching up with the laundry.  Go Me!