You get used to it... » new beginnings

Five Minute Friday: Real

Deedee — Fri, 04 May 2012 15:33:18 +0000

On Fridays, Gypsy Mama holds a blog carnival where we all stop and write for five minutes – no editing, no over-thinking, just write. Care to join us?

This week’s topic is: Real

When I saw today’s prompt, it made me think of The Velveteen Rabbit – the part where one of the other toys, I think it was the horse, is telling the rabbit about being Real, and how it hurts, but you don’t mind because you are Real, and how once you are Real, you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.

With this blog’s “new beginning”, I have been faced with a real struggle here on how real to be – it’s the Internet, it’s out there for everyone to see. And while I’m not trying to build a brand or get a million readers or whatever… I hesitate to scare anyone off or make them think less of me. When I have been real in the past, I’ve met mixed responses – from strangers, friends, and family. Maybe I’m too real, or maybe I have too many sharp edges to become real – I just don’t know some times.

So here’s to being real. My laundry is mostly caught up, but always thisclose to being a disaster. Currently, there are towels in the dryer, and clothes on my dining room table – the one we eat dinner at – waiting to be folded when I get home. My living room looks like it was struck by the toy-pocalypse, even though I’ve cleaned it a dozen times this week. My mom and I are still not talking, almost a year later. I had lofty intentions of doing crafts with Brianna last night, but after I found myself crying in the pantry because we were out of hamburger meat and I didn’t go to the store and so we couldn’t have tacos, I made tuna helper, helped Chad work with her on some writing, and set the kids in front of the TV for an hour while they climbed on me and I tried to read a magazine. I yell far more often than I should. My bathroom counter is a disaster, and even though I’ve tried to fix it, I can’t seem to keep it clear. I plan a lot more than I do. STOP.

I could have written so much more. Being real is addictive, but also scary.

30 things to do in my 30′s

Deedee — Thu, 19 Apr 2012 18:24:27 +0000

So after I posted all the stuff I did in my 20′s, I started thinking about what I want to do in the next ten years. A little more definite that a bucket list, here’s 30 things I’d like to accomplish in my 30′s.

Travel across the Atlantic.
Enroll my kids in (public) school.
~~Vacation without my kids~~ (got this one covered, took a weekend earlier this month to go to Denver!)
Get back in shape – not a number on the scale, but to a point I feel healthy.
Learn to eat healthy.
Teach my kids to like veggies (ha!)
Buy new couches.
Store/get rid of the last of the baby furniture.
Get my hormones under control.
Hang more art on my walls.
Make more handmade gifts.
Teach my kids to do chores.
Finish learning how to keep up with the housework.
Get promoted.
Scuba dive.
Visit the Wizarding World of Harry Potter (totally got this one in the bag, to – in September!).
Find a good sleep schedule and stick to it.
Be consistent with my skin care.
Learn to bake real bread (the kind that requires yeast).
Wear makeup to work more often – even if it’s just lipstick.
Seek out at least one fun activity for the kids every month.
Take blue bonnet pictures of my kids every year, like a real Texan.
Crochet something that’s not square.
Make my house the “fun” house for my kids and their friends.
Take at least one trip a year to see friends or family not in our hometowns.
Finally make it to Homecoming or Super Bulldog Weekend, with the kids.
Take the kids on a road trip (or several).
Go camping.
Run a 5k.
Run a 10k.

Starting over…

Deedee — Mon, 12 Mar 2012 16:46:31 +0000

So I stopped writing here. I could say that it was because I have no time, or because there’s not much to say, and either would be true enough I suppose. But the truth is, I started feeling kind of weighed down by the baggage my blog was carrying – I have been blogging (off and on – more off than on recently) for almost 10 years, and the entire backlog of that was in these archives.

I’ve changed a lot as a person in the last 10 years, for better or worse. And I started thinking maybe I do’t need to drag around 10 years of my past history all the time. Plus, I tend to write more when things are bad or I’m upset (free therapy!), and so a great deal of my archives is full of negativity. Drama. Nightmares. Angst.

So. I set all my old posts, before today, to Private. I couldn’t bring myself to delete them (yes, I have trouble getting rid of things – that’s a post for another day). But I feel like I’m starting over, with a clean blog slate.

I am not promising to write every day, or every week, or anything I can’t live up to. I’m just hoping this is a step in the right direction, a step towards getting back into writing. I may be playing with layout in the next few months, as well as trying to find my voice again. Bear with me?