The last couple of days have been crazy.  And there’s not really an end in sight.

Brianna has hit the terrible twos, hard.  I’m not sure how much of it is related to Benjamin comeing home, and all the changes here, and how much of it is just a phase. But it’s killing me.  Seriously.  Last night, Chad had to work late, which left me with both little ones at home.  Someone from the church brought dinner by for us – which was awesome.  But Brianna decided that roast beef was the Worst Thing Ever ™.  And that she wanted to eat cheese and fruit snacks.  When I told her this was unacceptable, and that she needed to eat her dinner, she threw it on the floor. And proceeded to throw a tantrum – complete with screaming, tears, and throwing herself on the floor – for 45 minutes.  While I tried alternately reasoning with her and ignoring her, all while taking care of Benjamin.  Eventually, after soaking herself with the water dispenser on the fridge, she decided that meat wasn’t so bad. And finally ate dinner.

This morning, she woke up 45 minutes early, and woke up throwing a tantrum about something, but I honestly have no idea what.  I sent Chad to deal with her first, but quickly decided that she only wanted me.  And, apparently, milk.  But mostly me.  About hte time i got her a little calmed down, I heard Benjamin start crying – he was having typical newborn tummy troubles, and CHad was trying to comfort him.  We basically traded off screaming children all morning, while getting everyone ready for the day.  And Brianna finally made it to school, and let me leave without any more tantrums.  But yeah – Chad’ working late again tonight, and I may not survive.

I keep thinking how bad I am at this whole mommy thing.  I see other moms, and they seem to have it more together – and I can’t seem to get anything together.  I keep thinking that maybe, if i was a little better at this, we wouldn’t have so many tantrums.  Or at least I’d know how to deal with them.

There’s a ton of other stuff going on in life, too, and it’s honestly more than a little overwhelming.  My car is in the shop for the second time, to fix the (already fixed, supposedly) air conditioner.  Chad and I are looking at replacing it, but then there’s the money thing.  It’s looking like Chad’s going to sell his car – which is enough to make me cry, honestly – but we just can’t affoard it right now.  Especially if mine needs replacing.

Short Version:

Benjamin Stephen Hammons was born 8/8/10, at 8:08pm, weighing 8 lbs, 8 oz. And he was 19 inches long. He and I are both happy and healthy, and at home “resting” (read: eating a lot and sleeping a lot) and gearing up to face the rest of the world someday.

(Very) Long Version (which might also be boring):

So all week last week, I fought off contractions.  And by “fought off”, I mean simply that I alternated between timing them and trying to ignore them, all the while praying that this baby stayed put until Chad”s parents got here to watch Brianna.  We had an ever-shortening list of people who could take her in a pinch (one family had a baby that week, so they were out, another family was out of town), but I really wanted to make it until Saturday when we had definite plans.

Wednesday, Chad told me his folks were coming in Friday night, and I was slightly relieved. That night, Chad was stuck working late, so Brianna and I braved McDonalds, by ourselves, on the way to Babies R Us to finish registering for some stuff so I could get a discount on it on Saturday.  While at McDonalds, Brianna threw only one fit, and i thought we were doing pretty well… I guess we were.  So well, in fact, that some old lady stopped to tell me how well behaved she was, and how much she respected single mothers. (!).  I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I was happily married to man with an unpredictable work schedule, and just too swollen to wear my wedding ring – so I just smiled and said thanks.

Thursday, Chad was stuck at work late again.  Contractions were 8 minutes apart, so Brianna and I spent some quality time on the couch watching Blues Clues.  While I kept reminding myself that I labored like this off and on for several days before Brianna was born.  By the time Chad got home, I was back to intermittent contractions, and I slept off and on.

Friday, Brianna had a check-up in the morning, so Chad and I took her there and stopped to get breakfast like real grown-ups after we took her to school.  I went to work late, and was feeling good, and managing to (for the most part) keep my contractions under wraps.  I assured everyone that I would be back on Monday, because really, after such a long “labor” (they tell me it wasn’t really labor, but I digress) with Brianna, what were the chances I would really go early?  By the time I got home, contractions were 3-5 minutes apart.  I jokingly asked Chad when his folks would be here – he laughed, a little, and told me any time now.  A couple hours later, I was like “No really, when are they going to get here?” He called and they were still a bit away.  So by the time they got there, and we finished hugs and showing off Brianna’s new words and skills, the contractions were spacing back out.  So we went to bed, and I slept a little.

Saturday, I started timing contractions before I even got out of bed.  3 minutes apart, regular, starting to be annoying.  Chad was convinced that we were having a baby that day.  So we jumped into getting everything ready – nothing like last minute pressure to get us in gear.  I ran to Babies R Us with Chad’s mom to get the stuff with the coupon, Chad and his dad painted the office wall, touched up the nursery, and hung a couple of pictures.  We cleaned a lot, and generally ran around like crazy.  But, at the end of the day, still no baby – we were back to 8 minutes apart, and I wasn’t going to the hospital just to be sent home. Another night of fitful sleep for me – and Chad, who was convinced I would wake him up any minute to go to the hospital.

Sunday, we worked a bit more on the house.  I played with Brianna, and tried to convince Chad’s mom that there was really no chance of her having to deliver the baby – I have long labors.  I huffed and puffed through contractions 3 minutes apart while Chad took his dad to the airport to go home, and tried in vain to take a nap – I knew when that failed ,that we would probably have a baby that day.  But I held out a bit longer – finally, around 5:30 or so, I had run out of things to do to put off going to the hospital.  So I told Chad that maybe we should go… still thinking they might send me home, but kind of worried that if they did, my water would break overnight and we’d be right back up there. So we said goodbye to Brianna, and left her with Chad’s mom. I called the doctor, and the nurse told me to go straight to the hospital. So that’s what we did.

When we got there, they put me on the monitors, but it wasn’t picking up my contractions, which was annoying because I could barely talk through them. I really started to think they were sending me home. Finally they got the monitors right, and the could see the contractions.  So the resident checked me and determined that I wasn’t really in labor, which pissed me off, and she said that Dr. Z__ (one of my doctor’s backups) would monitor me for an hour, but they would probably send me home.  So then I worried about going home, and I worried about Dr. Z__ doing my section, if it came to that – he’s a very highly recommended doctor, but he is inf fact, a dude, and I wasn’t sure how I felt about that.  Turns out, I would have probably been totally ok with it, because at some point, I stopped caring who was looking at my nether regions. But I digress again.

So after giving me sufficient time to freak out about all the what if’s, the nurse came in and said that Dr. O__ (my doctor!) had decided that since I was already there, she would come in and do my c-section.  Yay! Based on the time I ate lunch, the scheduled me for 7:30pm.  The next hour or so was kind of a blur – we texted a ton of people, to tell them that the baby was coming that night, and started re-filling out paperwork because they had lost my pre-registration somehow.  I walked to the operating room, which was odd, while they sent Chad to get into scrubs and wait for me to be prepped.  The OR was freezing, especially considering I was for all intents and purposes naked at this point (this is where I really stopped caring who saw me in what condition.  The anesthetist put in my epidural, and they rushed around trying to get me ready.  Dr. O__ came in, and the resident, and a ton of people, and then they let Chad in – I think I asked once, but there were no worries that he would miss anything like there were last time.  I was a little anxious because I felt so much of Brianna’s birth (ow!), and everyone kept telling me I would feel a lot of pressure and tugging – which is what they said last time. But everything went smoothly, I didn’t feel a thing.  Dr. O__ and the resident chatted as they went along, just another day in the office for them, but there was no panic or distress or anything.  The anesthetist walked around so I could see him, and told me and Chad that we would have a baby in “about a minute”.  Sure enough, we could hear little squeaks as they suctioned him out, and then he cried.  They told us he was a boy! And we cried (or, at least, I did.  I couldn’t see if Chad did, because, you know, the tears).  They raised him over the drape so I could see him – and I said he looked just like his sister.  Which he kinda did.

Chad made sure I was doing ok – I was fine, still no feeling, no pain, no worries – and he went across the room to help them clean Benjamin.  They let him put Benjamin’s first diaper on him, and his little hat, and bring him over to me – all the time telling me what they were up to.  Dr. O__ and the resident continued to chat, the resident asking a lot of questions – which put me at ease even more.  If Dr. O__ was taking time to teach, and then to answer questions about other laboring moms on the floor, I must be totally routine.  Which was awesome.  I got to see Benjamin, and talk to him, and visit with Chad – all things I missed with Brianna.  Once they were done with me (except the clean-up), they send Chad and Benjamin into the recovery room to wait for me.  They cleaned me up and put a gown on me, and took me to recovery. The nurses and Dr. O__ thought I was crazy, because I kept telling them how easy it was, and how nice.

The two hours in the recovery room were spent cuddling and nursing Benjamin, and calling family to ket them know that he was here, and his stats, and that all was`well.  We eventually were taken to our hospital room, and`I think we might have slept, but I popped my eyes open every few minutes to make sure that Benjamin was still there, still in his bed, still breathing.

Wednesday, they let me come home.  And we’ve been resting here ever since, minus a trip out for pictures and Benjamin’s first doctors visit.  All is well, but I’m going to be lost when Chad’s mom leaves – she’s really been taking care of Brianna and keeping us fed and letting me take naps… so Sunday when Chad and I have to do it on our own, and Monday when Chad goes back to work may be kind of hard.