So I haven’t posted.  In like, forever.  I am totally behind, I know.

But here’s the thing.  I’m in kind of a weird head-space right now.  For so many different reasons.

Brianna is growing in learning at an amazing rate.  This is awesome, but presents me and Chad with a new set of challenges.  When do we start potty training?  How old is too old for a pacifier at night? When do we move to a toddler bed? How do we discipline her? I feel like we’re flying by the seat of our pants, figuring out things as we go, and I’m not always sure I’m doing the best job of it.

For instance, this week.  This week, I really feel like I haven’t been the best Mommy ever – by a long shot.  Brianna was sick over the weekend, and I managed to survive, and was (for the most part) patient and Chad was there to help, so we made it through.  Monday?  She was still sick, so that left me trying to work form home, and dealing with a sick and grumpy toddler.  I was having trouble working, because Brianna wanted to be on my computer constantly, pushing buttons and touching the screen.  I didn’t have time to eat much or regularly, because Brianna spent the whole day telling me she was hungry and then refusing any of the food we have in the house (except the occasional bite of applesauce).  There were many meltdowns (both of us).  Chad came home, and that helped some.  But then Brianna was up all night – resulting in Chad waking up at 5:45am to me crying in the bed, and Brianna crying through the baby monitor – I was so tired, and there just wasn’t anything I could seem to do to get her to stay asleep for more than 10 minutes.

Tuesday was also my OB appointment, where she told me that even though was only eating 150-200 carbs a day, I was still gaining too much weight.  And to avoid “sugar, bread, pasta, potatoes, and rice” – all the stuff I was pretty much avoiding anyway.  I told her that, and she said I’d just have to do better. So now I’m looking at about 100 carbs a day, which is killing me.  It’s also the borderline of what is “safe” for pregnant women.  I’m going to have to call her soon and make sure this is really what she wants me to be eating – to make the carb cut, I had to give up what little fruit I was eating, milk, and almost all my whole grains, which are all things she told me in the beginning that I should be eating.  Maybe she hasn’t taken into account the fact that I just make big babies. Or something.

And there’s another one on the way.  So I’m dealing with people who feel like it’s their responsibility to question my birth choices, putting me for some reason on the defensive.  And there’s the planning and all that, which we just haven’t done yet. And how do we figure out how to be parents to two kids when we’re just getting the hang of parenting one, a little bit, sometimes?

We went home a couple of weeks ago to visit each set of parents for like, 30-something hours.  And the Huntsville portion of the adventure… was exhausting.  And somewhat of a disaster, emotionally.  We weren’t allowed in my parents house – because my mom knew I wouldn’t let Brianna in there if it was in the state that it was the last time I was in there (May of last year).  I imagine it’s actually worse.  She lost a chicken in the house for several days, about a month ago.  A. Live. Chicken. Lost. In the house.  How does that even happen?  My sister moved into my brother’s former trailer, and he was in the process of moving out, so there was no room for us to sit and visit there, and our hotel was tiny – once we put up the crib we could barely walk in the room – so we spent the visit moving from place to place to place, McDonald’s to the park to a restaurant.  It was exhausting.  And I doubt it’s going to get any better anytime soon.  Which will make October (my sister’s wedding, and the first trip we make with two children – yikes!) interesting.  And Christmas, but I’m trying not to think that far ahead, because my brain can’t hold it.  The Southaven portion of the trip was nice. And now Chad and I are sad that we don’t live closer to home.

So we’ve been discussing the long-term plan.  What happens after Houston?  We’ve never intended to make this our forever-home.  When do we leave?  Where do we go?  In Huntsville, Chad could still work for NASA.  I still have a few work contacts there.  In Memphis… not sure what either of us would do.  In Starkville, we could research/go to school/teach, but do we really want to live there? Or to go back to academics?  In Denver, Chad could… do something, but I could keep my current job.  But Denver isn’t any closer to family…  Could we rearrange our budget and travel home more?  can we convince family to move here? (um, no). And if we do visit home more, how do we make it fair to visit with my family, when it costs so much more money because we need a hotel, and we see so much less of them because of the lack of a home-base for visiting?

So yeah.  A lot of questions, all around.  Not a lot of answers.  But that’s life, eh?