There are some days when I’m so freakin’ awesome that I can hardly believe it. I just managed to make the impossible graphics library that I’ve been fighting with integrating into my prototype for a couple of weeks work, not only from my machine, but from Java Webstart (so anyone can run it). I finally determined that the problem was including the .dll files in the download… and figured out how to do it.

Now I’m happy. Because this means I’ll have something that is actually testable to send overseas at the end of next month for user testing. Unless I run into more problems between now and then.

This is why I love coding… the buzz you get from solving a problem in a innovative way, and seeing it work (after hours and hours and days and days of seeing it not work).

I feel like this. A lot.

So there’s been a lot going on in my head lately, most of which doesn’t translate well into language, much less blog-world. Just a lot of rambling stuff, I suppose, about growing up, friends, family, and life in general. And I’ll throw some religion and politics in there, just to spice it up a bit.

But yeah. Point is, I really haven’t had much to say. That anyone wants to read. Or for that matter, that I want to write. But, one of my brain ramblings has produced a series of thought that (I think) are actually post worthy, so here goes:

I always have these high plans for things… like this year, I started out with some goals (some realistic, some… well, will take some work, at best). And I go along pretty well for a while on the adrenaline of accomplishing things… I think, this is awesome! And then I miss a day (or whatever)… and I spend so much time beating myself up over the missed part, and feeling like I screwed everything up (I tell myself I’m good at that), that I miss the next one, and the one after… and after a while, I’m like, what’s the point? I’ve already “fallen off the wagon”… so I might as well not try (after all, I’ll probably just mess up again).

And then I get to a point, again, where I’m faced with the consequences of not having done whatever (for example… having 8000 loads of laundry to do, because I put it off… who knew we owned so many clothes? Or having gained weight because I was too tired/lazy to cook, and we ate fast food several times during the week)… and I say to myself… Self, if you had done what you were supposed to, you wouldn’t be here. So I jump back on the wagon, and resolve to do better. Next time. Next week. Next year. Whatever.

I’m working through the FlyLady system… which I really like. But I’ve been doing the crash-and-burn cycle for like, 6 months. I keep reading: “You’re not behind, just jump in where you are”, and I think… sure, I’ll jump in. As soon as I get caught up on the dishes. As soon as the laundry is done. As soon as the house is clean. As soon as I lose the 10 pounds I gained over the holidays. As soon as I find the perfect notebook to hold my control journal. As soon as I’m not behind…

The point is, I need to not get so hung up on the “wrongs”, and learn to bounce back. Without falling off the wagon. I need to celebrate the “rights”, and remember why I’m trying to make changes / do things better. And to see the big picture, not just the tiny corner that says this isn’t working.

So, following that idea, here are the things I’ve accomplished so far this year:

• I have started eating healthier, most days of the week (this includes cooking healthier dinners, which has been kind of hit-and-miss, and packing lunch).
• I have managed to work out for at least 15 minutes at least twice a week (go ten minute workout dvds!)
• I cleaned out one drawer of the dresser and (finally) started using some of the drawer dividers I bought forever ago.
• I got (with Chad’s help) almost half of the dvds scanned and into the new cataloging software I bought.
• Chad and I cleaned out most of the garage in preparation to make it into a martial arts workout room (this was a huge task).
• I’ve been drinking more water (not back up to 8 glasses a day consistently, but working on it).
• I have entirely cut out caffeinated soda, and only drink soda at all if I’m out at a restaurant.

Things that make me happy:

1. Warm Januarys. (Even if it’s cold today).
2. paintImmediately(). Because there’s nothing like immediate feedback.
3. Backdoor code hacks that save me time and effort, but are completely transparent to the user.
4. Pandora. I’ve said it before, but it bears repeating.
5. Advil. Without which I would have died of a headache.
6. Applesauce. With Cinnamon. Who ever invented that should be sainted or something.

I think I broke my toe. And it’s the weirdest toe to have broken, too… the second from the smallest toe on my left foot.

I fell down the last three stairs. which kind of put a damper on the rest of my day. But there’s not a lot they can do for broken toes, besides xray them and say, “Yep… that’s broken.” It turned an interesting shade of purple, though.

It’s good to be home. Although the whole toe thing might mostly kill my plans for getting the house back in order.

So it’s a new year. Yay for that. And I made resolutions and stuff, which aren’t really important at this point, but the basis of all of them was to keep on keeping on… and to take better care of me.

I’m not sure what all is going to happen this year, but I know it’s going to be crazy. And weird. And scary. Like last year, but more so. And hopefully a little less drama (no really, I mean it).

Nothing I say will wash it away
I’m standing in the pouring rain
You say it won’t happen again
You’re manic, manic
There is a chemical in your brain
It’s pouring sunshine and rage
You can never know what to expect
You’re manic, manic